Tuesday, April 10, 2007

he wants my commandments

he wants me to write ten commandments for our relationship. i was supposed to do it before we went to costa rica. he did it. his were nice. unfortunately, we couldn't follow many of them:

1. Do not go to sleep angry at one another.

2. Do not criticize the other person.

3. Keep your promises.

4. No vulgar language toward the other person.

5. Be on time.

6. Be considerate of one another's feelings.

7. Respect the other person's opinions.

8. Do not tell each other what to do.

9. Respect each other's property.


i guess i was good at the one about respecting his property and i didn't really use any vulgar language towards him. other than that, i'm an 80% failure on commandments. of course, i know these were written with me in mind, so it's really a laundry list of my faults in disguise.

it's not like when moses came down from the mountain with the ten generic commandments for all of mankind to follow down through the ages. those are fairly easy to keep, not like this particular list, which grinds out my iniquities down to the last syllable.

so, today i sat down and wrote out my commandments, which are a list of his iniquities, not in any way disguised.

1. stay. don't leave, even if you are hopping mad and can't see straight--DON'T LEAVE.

2. moderate your drinking; don't get drunk, then pass out.

3. name-calling is not permissible, even if what you are thinking about the other might be true.

4. ask not what your mate can do for you, but what you can do for your mate.

5. tell the truth.

6. respect your mate's interests, whether it be hunting, fishing, basketball, golf--whatever.

7. take your mate on a date at least weekly.

8. go to bed happily and peacefully each night.

9. get involved in something outside yourself.

10. have fun and laugh together.

11. time-outs from one another are healthy...pursue personal interests.

12. say "i love you" frequently. hug, too. kiss, also. make love, for sure.

13. share your earthly means with one another.

14. be careful with one another's precious feelings.

15. share couple goals; always strive towards something together.

16. be healthy; get exercise and eat properly.

17. if all else fails, kill your mate and destroy the evidence.

now, when i look at both lists--okay, so i'm an overachiever and had to do seventeen--it seems we agree on the going to bed happy part, the feelings part, and the no name-calling. i guess that's a start.

will someone please tell me why having a relationship is such a slugging, slopping, difficult task? or, do we just make it that way? or, perhaps, we should just invoke rule 17 and get on with the singular life that is left.